Gankai MerryGoRound
by Falcon Wisps
Summary: Alfeegi likes Ruwalk. But what happens when emotions are played with and things get really messed up? Rating has changed.
1. Permission

HIHI!!!! I am Falcon and will be your autheress for the duration of this fanfic. ^_^ This fic was inspired by another fanfic that I am coming up with.and should have already started on, but.this one is more fun!!!  
  
Couples might change in this (depending on if I feel the need to put Thatz and or Rune as major characters. I just know that the major couple is Ruwalk/Alfeegi. Slight Ruwalk/Kai-stern. (Lots of other weird couplings later on.)  
  
And now.ON WITH THE FIC!!!!  
  
::Disclaimers:: I do not own Dragon Knights, nor the Psycho le Cemu song 'Gankai Merry-Go-Round. I just thought it would me suitable for this fic.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
Genkai Merry-Go-Round  
  
(Lusty Merry-Go-Round)  
  
~*~*~  
  
Alfeegi cleared his throat as he entered the Dragon Lord's office. This sunlight pooled onto his desk, now layered with unsigned papers and reports of the castle grounds. The Lord picked up his golden head and smiled slightly, not sure if he should be happy or not to see the white Dragon Officer in his doorway. But, none the less, he smiled, beckoning the secretary to come forward.  
As the Dragon Officer shut the door behind him, the Dragon Lord grimaced, just noticing the pile of paper and books Alfeegi was carrying. 'Great, more work.' He thought. "Alfeegi," he greeted. "My Lord." "So," the Dragon Lord leaned comfortably back into his chair, still eyeing the pile of papers in his friend's hands suspiciously. "What do you wish to discuss with me today, Alfeegi?" He eyed the paper again. "More paperwork to be filled out? Or has Thatz filled out a paper wrong again?" At this comment, the Lord tried to contain a fit of giggles. The secretary frowned.  
  
"Really your highness," he huffed, "I think that filling out the box "sex" with "yes please" was quite uncalled for!"  
"Of course," the blonde smiled, still containing giggles, "Your right, your right. Now, what do you want?"  
Once again, Alfeegi cleared his throat, now gripping his papers and books to his chest. "My Lord," he began. "I was wondering.if I could maybe.take the rest of the day off." He stood quiet, waiting for an answer.  
The Dragon Lord sat, puzzled, a slightly surprised expression on his face. "Well," he finally said, "If you tell me why I'll be glad to. You never ask to leave early. Are you ill?"  
The secretary shook his head. "You see my Lord, I was planning on doing something tonight and.I just want to work up the courage to do so."  
"And that something would be.?"  
A slight blush crept across the Dragon Officers face. "Well.I.I was." His face turned to a brighter, more vibrant shade of pink, "Going to tell someone that.I like him."  
The Dragon Lord raised an eyebrow. "HIM?"  
The secretary slapped a hand over his mouth, dropping half the books and papers on the floor. He dropped to his knees, scrambling to pick them up. Avoiding the amused expression on the Lord's face he mumbled, "Well, you see I-I mean I just-umm." He stood up again. "Could I?"  
"Only if you tell me who this 'him' is." The Dragon Lord smiled. 'This is more amusing then when Thetheas got drunk last Christmas.' He thought, smiling broadly.  
Alfeegi turned now a very bright shade of red. "M-my Lord! Is that really necessary?!"  
"If you want the rest of the day off."  
"Fine." He stammered. "I like.I..I like." he stopped. Taking in a deep breath he continued. "Ruwalk."  
That was it. The Dragon Lord then burst into a fit of laughter. He fell forward onto his desk, his face buried in his hands hiding tears of laughter. His fist banged the table as he was wracked with the very loud, very exuberant giggle fit. Alfeegi just stood there in embarrassment.  
"F-forget it." He stammered, his blush getting deeper with every passing second. He turned and had his hand on the door before the Lord stopped him.  
"W-wait Alfeegi.I.hahahahahaha..I just.hahaha.I wasn't..whew." He whipped his eyes and sat up. "I just wasn't expecting that.I was holding that back for a while." He smiled at his friend. "Sure, take he rest of the day off. And tomorrow. I know how Ruwalk can be, if you know what I mean." He winked, causing Alfeegi to turn into a type of walking beet.  
"You think.that he might like me too?" He asked shyly, very unAlfeegi- like. The Lord smiled.  
"I'm not saying anything, I just think that out of all the other Dragon Officers, you have the best shot at winning Ruwalk's heart." This made Alfeegi smile.  
"Thank you my Lord." He said, and walked out of the door. The Lord just smiled and leaned back into his chair.  
"If you only knew the half of it," he said. He then sighed, turning back to the large pile of papers that needed to be signed. "Oh, we got a new shipment of Strawberry Jam? Won't Thatz be happy."  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
OK! Chappie 1 done! It was supposed to last a lot longer then this.but it started to get kinda long so I'll split it up. Next chappie gets a little angsty.but more is yet to come (and some yaoi/shonen ai and romance as well ^_~)  
  
R+R tater-tots to anyone who reviews!!! 


	2. Revolutions

Wow. *stares into space* You wouldn't believe how much praise I got for the first chapter. *blinks* I haven't.felt so.loved.*cries*  
  
Lol. Just kiddin. Tho, I did get a lot of praise. I is so happy!!!! ^____^ *passes out R+R tater tots to everyone that reviewed* .Oh hell with it *passes them out to everyone who read it.* ^___________^  
  
This chappie is where the angst come in.and when I start to get flames XD  
  
FLASHBACK WARNING! XDDD  
  
::Disclaimer:: I do not own Dragon Knights or the song Gankai Merry-Go- Round by Psycho le Cemu.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Chapter 2: Revelations  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
The white dragon officer sighed, and for the first time in ages, laid down on his bed and took in a deep breath. His nerves where going crazy. Not only had he told the Dragon Lord himself the secret he had been keeping for over a year now, he was about to tell Ruwalk what he thought about him. That he was more then a friend to him.  
Alfeegi felt a light blush creep it's way up just thinking about the yellow dragon officer. It was then that he had realized how tired he was. He had gotten up at his usual time, 5:00am, but all this emotional stress and worry that he was going threw really made him drowsy. 'Just a quick nap,' he thought to himself, 'You need the rest.' And as his eyes began to droop, he thought of the first time that he had fancied his friend.  
  
~*~*~  
  
The castle was decorated with the usual Christmastime décor. The Lord had a light snow falling on the ground. The castle was covered with small lights and holly. A large tree had even been brought in, with hundreds of presents beneath it. Usually the Lord didn't go to this length to celebrate a human holiday, but there was just something about Christmas that made everyone smile.  
Except for Algeegi. The dragon officer stomped down the hallway, huffing angrily and mumbling curses under his breath. "Damn him," he whispered, "Who dose he think he is? Taking the budget books when my back is turned. Why, I should." He stopped as he saw Ruwalk walk out of his room. An angry fire flared up inside him and he ran up to catch him.  
"Ruwalk," he said flatly, and watched in sick amusement as the other man's shoulders stiffened and turned around slowly.  
"A-Alfeegi. Lovely to see you." He could see the sweat that began to form on his brow and he smirked.  
"You know what I am here to talk to you about.right?" He saw the yellow dragon officer try to crack a convincing smile.  
"I.don't know what you're talking about, I'm afraid."  
Alfeegi growled. "Oh, yes you do! You gave Kai-stern more money then he needed for that trip! I gave him enough to cover him and YOU give him double! Don't you know that I could be blamed for this?"  
"Well.I may have given him a little extra."  
"A LITTLE!? You haven't been listening! I said you gave him DOUBLE! DOUBLE! Meaning TWICE AS MUCH!"  
"Well, I didn't think you gave him enough."  
"Oh I gave him plenty! You think that there was "too little" though. Why? Because there wasn't money in there for BOOZE and HOOKERS!?" He stopped as Ruwalk began to chuckle. "And WHAT, pray tell, is so FUNNY!?"  
The dragon officer placed his fist over his mouth, and with his right hand, pointed upwards.  
"What are you." the secretary began, before looking up. His draw dropped. Ruwalk came closer and whispered in his friend's ear.  
"You know what this is.don't you?" He chuckled. "Mistletoe."  
Alfeegi stared up for a moment, before looking at the other man. "So." He said flatly.  
"And do you know what your supposed to do under the mistletoe?" he asked.  
"Of course I do. But quit changing the subject! I still have a piece of my mind to give you-''  
"How about this instead?"  
Before he could speak, the secretary felt Ruwalk's lips on his own. The warmth had surprised him. His eyes had gone wide with shock, and in impulse, pushed the other man away.  
"What in the hell was that?!" He yelled, but again, was answered by a chuckle. It was then that he noticed he was blushing madly. He growled threateningly but that only made Ruwalk laugh louder.  
"You-the look that you-oh this is too much!" He smiled broadly at his now infuriated comrade.  
"I don't think that was funny!" He yelled, "You are so immature, trying to distract me instead of taking blame. What is your.what are you doing?"  
To his surprise, Ruwalk had offered his elbow to the confused dragon. "I was heading to dinner. Do you want to join me?" He smiled dashingly, and that blush threatened to rise again. He found himself.wanting to intertwine his arm with the other man's. Instead, he scoffed.  
"You are so immature," he growled and narrowed his eyes. Ruwalk shrugged.  
"Suit yourself." He said, and walked down the corridor.  
Alone, Alfeegi stood to collect his thoughts, and the papers he had dropped when they had kissed. He placed a hand over his mouth as to remember it, and found himself wishing that he hadn't pushed away, and that it might have lasted just a second longer.  
  
~*~*~  
  
The dragon officer's eyes opened slowly, a small smile on his lips. He pulled the covers closer to his body as if to saver that moment of quiet. 'The calm before the storm,' he thought, and was suddenly plagued with all the nervous emotions he had been hoarding for days. He turned his head and slowly looked out the window, expecting to see the still breezy, calm day. Instead, he saw the sun setting with all it's reds and yellows.  
Alfeegi bolted upright and put a hand on his head. "How long was I out for?" He asked himself. He then quickly scrambled towards the door. 'I can catch him on his way to dinner.' He thought. It was strange, but he seemed very calm all of a sudden. He noted that instead off all the feelings of regret and worry, he was completely placid. It was as if he was still in his room.  
That brief moment of mental togetherness didn't last long. When the dragon turned the corner into the wing that Ruwalk's room was, he found his heart pumping so fast that he thought he was close to having a heart attack. It only worsened with every step nearer he took. He suddenly found himself going over what he was going to say.  
"Ruwalk, I have something of great importance to discuss with you.no. He would think I was talking about a form or something." He paused as the door was coming closer. "Ruwalk, I need to tell you something, bah. Too obvious. Ruwalk I need to talk with you. Yes, yes that's it." He stopped. The door was right in front of him. His heart pumping so hard that he could hear it in his ears. He gulped, and poised his hand to knock on the carved wooded boarders. "Alfeegi." The dragon officer jumped high into the air and whirled around, to find the chief of security standing in front of him. "Te-Thet-Thetheus!" He croaked, quite aware that his face was going red.again. 'I have to stop doing that!' he thought. "What.What are you doing here?!" "Patrolling the castle," he said. "Oh," He stood, looking at the dark-haired man for a few more seconds. "Did you want something?" "No, just wanted to make sure it was you." "Oh." He found himself close to backing away slowly from the other man. "Well, if it's alright with you, I have some things to discuss with Ruwalk- " "He's not in there." "Hm?" This made Alfeegi turn around. "What do you mean he's not there?" "I saw him walking in the gardens with Kai-stern just a short while ago. Why do you need to talk with him?" "Um.well.he.forgot to turn in his report. Thank you Tetheus." He then quickly escaped back down the hallway. 'Tetheus.he scares me sometimes.' he thought. He smiled a bit though. If Ruwalk was in the gardens, then he would have some getaway space in case things got weird. 'But with Kai-stern there..no. Kai-stern would leave if he thought I was going to yell at Ruwalk for something.' He sighed in relief. 'This may be just a bit easier then I originally thought.' He began to hear some talking from the corridor further down his hall and to the left. He gulped again. He recognized Ruwalk's voice right away, and the other would surely be Kai-stern. He straightened his appearance, making sure he looked as if he had something important to say before finally turning the corner, and stopping dead in his tracks. Kai-stern was softly pressed up against the castle wall with Ruwalk standing with his body pressed up against his. His arms wrapped around the Secretary of State's waist, while his where on the wall behind him, both engaged in a gentle kiss. Alfeegi couldn't move. His body just wouldn't obay. It was like the scene after a bloody battle, no matter how gruesome it was you just couldn't look away. His breathing became ridged, he gave a surprised little gasp, half mutilated by held back tears, and loud enough that the other two dragon officers looked towards him, then jumping apart. It was only then that he was able to move, he quickly looked at the ground, but not before catching a glimpse of his crushes eyes. Those emotions, surprise, embarrassment, and.anger? 'Yes,' a small voice spoke from the back of his mind, 'You interrupted them, no wonder he's angry. You're always getting in the way of things aren't you? All you do is lecture and preach, why would he love you?' "I made a huge mistake." He said under his breath. "Alfeegi?" He heard his named called. Not sure which one had said it, he raised his head so fast that he felt his neck pop. He could only look for a second before he felt his stomach churn. "Don't worry," He said softly, barely audible, "I'm not going to lecture you." He was practically choking now. 'I can't stand it anymore!' "I'm sorry I interrupted you!" Then he quickly turned around and ran back towards his room, tears picked up by the wind as he did so.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
*sniffle.sniffle* Yes, the beginning of the angstyness. I think I'll have to change the rating to 'R' for the next chapter.it's just so gruesome.and all the swear words.  
  
Well, please reply! Sorry if I lost some readers to this chapter. I promise you that there will be more humor.but not until some later chapters. Oh, and if you want to flame me that's fine. Everyone has their own opinion.  
  
Slightly stale R+R tater tots to anyone who reviews! 


	3. Brakedown

Ok, then. Chapter 3. This is the reason I have to change this rating to "R". I don't know if I need to, but just to be safe.  
  
Also, sense the tater tots have gone bad.and I know that when reading angst you need lots of sweets to make you feel better, I have set out an entire table of goodies, like doughnuts and ice cream and all that good stuff over there *points right* and a mountain of tissue boxes over there *points left*  
  
I would like to thank everyone who reviewed and give a shout-out to Hiso- chan ^.^  
  
Oh, and another flashback warning.  
  
Enjoy.  
  
::Disclaimer:: I do now own Dragon Knights.and I figured out the song is Gekai merry-go-round.not Gankai. .But I still don't own Psycho le Cemu..*sniffle*  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
Chapter 3: Breakdown  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
The pain inside him now was unbearable, and the only way they could escape was threw the disguise of the shallow sobs that now tore from his throat. The pillow that his head was buried so deep within muffled them only slightly. He had no resistance now, knowing that it was futile to hide his emotions. His body racked with every breath, his voice cracking as he said those words over and over again.  
"Why," he whispered, "Oh dear god, why?" It felt as if his heart had been torn out and salt had been poured into the gaping wound. He felt his stomach turn every time he played the images over and over in his head. Ruwalk pinning Kai-stern against the wall, kissing him gently, Kai-stern lovingly kissing back.but why? He had known!  
He lifted himself up from the pillow slightly and bought his fist down hard on the mattress beneath him. His breath became ridged, as he remembered that day not so long ago.  
  
***  
  
The day was slightly overcast, the wind more forceful then usual. Not the light breeze would ruffle your hair playfully as you passed the gardens outside, but strong enough to have tossed the papers Alfeegi was holding across the yard.  
"Damn!" he growled, immediately chasing after the runaway parchment. But every time he got close enough to touch them, another blast of air pushed it just a little farther from his grasp. It was like it was playing with him, being teasing but innocent at the same time. 'Like Rath,' he thought, glaring at another paper that had avoided being captured. 'If it wasn't for Rath stopping me in the hallway begging for ANOTHER new sword I would already be at the meeting and not in this state of disorder now, would I?' "Damn him."  
He finally narrowed it down to one last piece. Looking out of the corner of his eye, he saw it flutter past the cherry tree near the right wing castle entrance. He smiled almost demonically, and dashed off towards it, to only plow face first into the yellow dragon officer.  
"Holy crap!" Alfeegi heard him exclaim as they both went toppling over each other. In one jumbled heap, he tried to push the other man off while, at the same time, trying to conceal a blush and look for the last paper.  
"Off," he cried. "OFF!" His comrade did as he exclaimed, but all too late, the paper had fluttered too close to the cherry tree and had been speared by one of its branches. A small defeated wine came from his throat, leaving Ruwalk to look very confused.  
"What, what is it?" He asked, then noticing Alfeegi looking at the tree with large, wanting eyes. When his friend did not respond, he walked right next to him and looked up. "What are you looking at?"  
The white dragon officer shook his head and looked at the ground. "That was the report of the expenses of Kai-stern's next trip," he said, almost in tears. "All I wanted to do was get to the meeting on time, was that too much to ask?"  
"Maybe," Ruwalk said, "But at least you can be late with your paper."  
"Hm?" Alfeegi turned towards him, only to see him already halfway up the tree. "Ruwalk, what are you doing?"  
"Getting your paper."  
"But.but." He couldn't find a good excuse for him being so worked up. He was only getting his paper. 'Maybe it's the fact that he's thinking about you.' He thought.  
The yellow dragon officer nimbly climbed the branches, grasping the paper with his right hand before jumping down; he gave the parchment back to Alfeegi with a sheepish grin. "Sorry," he said.  
"What?" The secretary then looked down at the paper, which was now torn in two. He sighed and stuffed it into his pocket. "It was better up there."  
Ruwalk laughed in an embarrassed manner, putting his hand behind his head. "Yah, sorry about that." He smiled charmingly then, putting his arm down.  
"Well," he said. "I'll see you at the meeting." And at that, be swiftly made his way across the rest of the yard, not noticing that the friend he left was watching his every step.  
Alfeegi sighed a bit, finally being able to regain his composure after that incident. He straightened out his outfit, and tried to get the grass stain off of his pants. As he looked down, he noticed a small, black cloth near his foot. Picking it up, he noticed that it was one of Ruwalk's gloves. He smiled a bit, holding the glove close to his chest. He closed his eyes for a second then, as to try and absorb the moment of just being able to hold what was once part of him, when he heard the cough.  
Whirling around, he found himself face to face with the amused face of Kai-stern. He couldn't help but feel the heat rise in his face. "I saw that," the blue dragon officer snickered.  
"Saw what?" Alfeegi snapped, stuffing the glove in his pocket with the paper.  
Kat-stern smiled broadly, "Don't worry, Alfeegi. I've known for a while."  
"Known what? What is there to know?"  
"That you like Ruwalk of course. Anyone with half a brain and bad eyesight can see that." At this, Alfeegi inhaled deeply and turned towards the castle entrance.  
"Well, what if I do? Is there anything wrong with that? Go on, have a good laugh, tell him, I don't care." There was a moment of silence and for one, god forsaken second, he was scared to death that Kai-stern would go running off and actually tell Ruwalk how he felt. But he didn't. He felt a hand fall onto his shoulder.  
"Don't worry Alfeegi. I won't tell. I actually think it's cute." He smiled again. "Let's go to that meeting, shall we?"  
  
***  
  
His tears of sadness turned hot and angry at that memory. 'How could he?' he thought 'He knew I liked Kai-stern, he was the one who encouraged me to tell him tonight in the first place!' He growled deeply, punching his bed frame. I jolt of pain shot down to his wrist on the impact. Shrugging it off he fell back into his original position into the pillow.  
He lay there fir what seemed like hours, the sobs had been long gone, and now the tears ran silently down his cheeks. He had turned onto his side, facing the wall, which was blurry with tears. His eyes were raw and they stung when he rubbed them, but the pain within hurt more. He didn't know how much time had passed when there was a soft knocking on his door. Alfeegi ignored it, hoping that the person would just go away and leave him to wallow in his own self-pity. But after a few minutes of the light tapping, he heard his door creep open.  
"Alfeegi?" He heard his name called. A wave of relief washed over his as the noticed the voice had belonged to Thatz and not one of his fellow officers, but he remained still none the less. "Alfeegi?" he called again. "The Lord wanted me to tell you that dinner was ready." He still received no answer. "I mean, if you're not hungry I'll eat it for you, but.umm." He could tell the Knight was becoming increasingly more uncomfortable talking to the still dragon officer. "I suppose your sleeping." he finally said. "I'll tell the Lord-''  
"That's alright." Alfeegi said quickly. He could hear Thatz jump at the response. "I'll be down in a moment."  
"All.alright." Thatz practically squeaked. He closed the door behind him as he left the room.  
After the other had left, Alfeegi swiftly maneuvered his way to the door. His hand paused at the knob, wondering if he should just stay in his room. 'But I did tell Thatz that I was coming and he'll probably tell the Lord. The last thing I want his for the Lord to think that something's wrong.' He sighed deeply, and opened the door in front of him.  
The dragon officer didn't even notice that he was close to the dining room before he opened the large oak doors to see most of the dragon clan in front of him. It was almost abnormal for that many members to be actually siting down at the same time. Rath, Thatz and Rune usually ate together, maybe accompanied by the Lord or Lady. But it was almost unheard of for all of them, minus Theathus, to be there all at once. And what was worse was that the only open seat was between Thatz and Kai-stern.  
The secretary calmly and quietly took his seat, avoiding all eye contact. He silently took a piece of bread and began to butter it, and piled some more food onto the plate. It wasn't that he was hungry, actually, he thought that if he ate one bite he would vomit; he just wanted to make sure no one was suspicious. He was already praying that no one would notice his eyes, but, of course, someone always did.  
"My god Alfeegi, you look horrible!" The Dragon Queen exclaimed. The dragon officer twitched, and for the first time, wished that a demon would charge into the room and bite the woman's head off. "Are you sick? You look so tierd."  
"I'm fine." He said in a voice of false indignancy, but did not return the woman's gaze. All he did was forcefully shove a piece of potato into his mouth. This made his stomach quiver and it took all of his will power to keep it down.  
"Are you sure? If you're sick I have some medicine that could help-''  
"I am fine, milady." He said, a tad harsher then he had expected. Even without looking he could tell that some of the men were looking at his a little strangely. The Alfeegi they knew would never have even dreamt of taking that tone with the dragon queen.  
"Oh, alright then."  
"I know what's wrong with him," Kai-stern said. This made the secretary whirl around to face him, his mouth slighting open. He wouldn't dare. "I think what Alfeegi needs is to get laid."  
This caused giggles from most of the officers. "I second that," Rath said.  
"Shut up, the lot of you." Alfeegi snarled. "How dare you even bring up that subject," 'Not after what just happened.' The rage within him began to surface as the images again came to mind. Ruwalk, Kai-stern, Kai-stern knew and yet he still. and he had thought of him as a friend! And then he brings up subjects like this?! How dare he. He stuffed another potato into his mouth. "Imbecile."  
Kai-stern grimaced a bit. "Jesus, Alfeegi, I was just trying to help."  
The white dragon officer stopped dead. His hands began to shake slightly and his eyes were closed tightly. "Just.trying.to help?" He repeated, and before he knew what had happened, he grabbed the knife off of his plate and lunged towards Kai-stern.  
There were sounds of breaking china and screams of anger and fear. The tablecloth had been torn away throwing the contents onto the ground. Mashed potatoes and beef stew spilled everywhere. By the time everyone had realized what happened, the room starred at the scene before them.  
Rath had leapt from his seat, forcing the white dragon officer back by grabbing his around the waist. Thetheus, who had appeared during the commotion, held his from under the arms. The secretary flailed violently, his legs thrashing in the air. Obscure obscenities poured from his mouth as he looked towards the foreign affairs officer on the ground, Ruwalk at his side.  
"You piece of shit!" He yelled. "You goddamn son of a whore! Asshole! Help me? Help me?! What kind of ass do you take me for?! Come here you fucking piss ant!" He flailed even harder. " I'll kick your mangy ass! I'll kill you! I'll kill you!"  
"That's enough!" The lord yelled. "Tetheus, please take him to his room, I'll be there in a moment!"  
"Yes sir," he said, maneuvering the still swearing man out of the room.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Alfeegi was thrown hard against the floor. He grunted on impact and tried to stand up, but was forced down again by the security official. "I don't know what that was about." He said, just a little too calmly. "But you stay here. I need to go and fetch the Lord." He hurried out of the door, laving the secretary by himself.  
Alfeegi was breathing so hard it was like he had just been running. He stayed on his hands and knees on the ground, sweat just touching his brow. His eyes remained closed, for the fear that he would open them and those goddamn tears would start up again. He stayed there for a while, reviewing what he had just done.  
'Damn, why did they have to get in the way? Can't they mind their own business? They don't know what's going on and it should stay like that!' His fists grew tighter at every moment. 'Damn that fucking bastard. As soon as that door opens again I'll kill him.I'll kill him and.and.'  
'And what? What will you do? Kill him? That's a laugh. You don't have the balls to kill a man.'  
'Shut up! Shut up!' he grabbed his head. 'I'll kill him! He betrayed me and he deserves to die!'  
'And what will happen after you kill him, hm? What will you do? Take what you think belongs to you? Take Ruwalk? Do you really think that he, that anyone would really care about you if you killed him?'  
This comment made his open his eyes slightly, now looking down on the floor. His breath transforming into sobs again.  
'Do you really think they care about you now?'  
"Shut up!" he yelled. "Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!"  
'What do you want to do, Alfeegi? Really, think about it? What do you want to do?'  
"I want, I want." he trailed off, letting his emotions take the best of him. "I want to die."  
'Then why don't you?' He looked down into his right hand, where he noticed he still firmly grasped the knife from the dinner table. He noticed how it sparkled in the moonlight. How it seemed to call out to him. The silver radiance of the light began to dull his pain and promised to take it away.  
'Here I am,' it whispered, 'I will end it all for you.'  
"Yes," Alfeegi gulped, letting out an exhale of relief, "Please, end my pain." And then the silver was tainted with crimson.  
  
~*~*~  
  
The Lord half walked half ran down the hallway. His midnight blue cape flowed behind his like the sea itself. His eyes darting around the hallways looking for the door to Alfeegi's room. Tetheus walked next to him, listening as the Lord began to talk to himself.  
"What the Hell was that all about? Alfeegi just leaped and tried to kill Kai-stern. Kai-stern! If I thought he was going to kill anyone I would have bet in Rath." He chucked angrily and shook his head. "I'm going to get to the bottom of this. It's preposterous! What in the Hell was he thinking?!"  
"I'm sure that I don't know sir." Tetheus replied calmly. "But I suggest that you ask Alfeegi as soon as we get there."  
"I was planning on it. Now where is that blasted-oh here it is." He stopped suddenly at one of the elm doors. He practically ripped the door off of its hinges as he opened it with such force. "Alfeegi! I want to know right now what-'' But he was forced to cut off by the image before him.  
The blood seemed to come from everywhere. It spread across the floor, staining the once white carpet a sickeningly dark, almost demonic red. The source of the flood was on the floor next to his bed. His hands in his lap, his head tilted to the side, his eyed slightly open.  
"Alfeegi." The Lord said, stunned and not wanting to believe what was happening was what he thought. "Alfeegi!" He ran to the secretary's side, grabbing his shoulders and shaking him. "Alfeegi! What happened?!"  
"Go.away." he replied in a wining drone. "Away.Go away!" He tried to push the Lord away from his, but ended up falling into his chest.  
"What, your bleeding." He picked up the man's limp arms and almost gagged at the long, deep gashes in his wrists. The blood pumped slowly and oozed almost hypnotically down his pale arms and onto the floor. "Oh, god, tell me you didn't do this."  
"Go away!" He yelled gain, now struggling to get away from the blonde's grasp. "Get away from me! Leave me be! Let me die!"  
The lord just held him tighter, trying to stop his struggling. "Stop it! You'll hurt yourself!" He looked back towards the head of security. "Quick! Go fetch a doctor!"  
"Sir." He responded and ran out of the room.  
"Leave me alone! Why won't I die? Why won't you let me die?!" He was almost shouting now, and the lord was sure that attention would be drawn soon, but he still tried his best to calm the other man.  
"Shh.please Alfeegi, be still." He reached down and began to wipe away his tears. "It's alright. You're going to be okay." At these words, Alfeegi struggled even more.  
"You dumb bastard! You bitch! Leave me alone! Alone! Just let me die! Just let me die!" He began to flail and claw the dragon lord harshly, but he still didn't move. "Leave me the fuck alone! Let me die! LET ME DIE!" With every time he said the word, it seemed that he became weaker, until he pressed himself against the lord, half-unconscious, just whimpering the words until he didn't say anything.  
"Alfeegi?" The lord asked earnestly. "Alfeegi?!" `"My.lord?" He asked back, snuggling closer to him. The Lord gave a sigh of relief, glad that the secretary wasn't dead, yet. He wiped the thought from his mind and began to pet the other man's head.  
"Yes, Alfeegi?"  
"What happened? Why am I.so cold?"  
The lord felt tears come to his own eyes as he watched Alfeegi curl up against him. "it's alright. You're going to be alright."  
"Cold," he said again. "Tired." As he slowly shut his eyes, he felt himself being lifted up, and then.nothing.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Well. That's it. *sniffles* It was really hard to right. I kept stopping and changing stuff so it sounded better. I still think it came out crappy. But if it made one person cry I did my job.  
  
Buffet is open.*as it's mobbed by fangirls* ^^;;  
  
Please review. Weird couples appear in the next chappie.  
  
Sooooo.what did you think? I'll have the buffet open again if you reply! *Steals a piece of chocolate cheesecake for herself* MMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.... 


	4. Relapse

Ok People. I just finished my Geophysical Science report on Mt. Fuji and I'm just about ready to go to bed, but before I do I think I'll start this next chapter. The last one didn't get as much feedback as I wanted so that's why it took so long to get this up. :P

passes out tissues Hold on people, this is gonna be a tearjerker.

::Disclaimer:: I do not own Dragon Knights. Poo.

The faint sound of men's voices was what awoke Alfeegi from his slumber. The sun was shining brightly outside, but the drapes were pulled that small ribbons of light danced across the room. The dragon officer slowly lifted his eyelids. They felt as if thousand pound weights had been tied to eyelashes. His head pounded harder then any migraine he had ever had in his life. He tried to move but found that a much too difficult task to handle. His arms felt like they were being held down, and his legs ached so much that moving them sent jolts of pain threw his entire body. After a few minutes of struggling he decided it was in his best interest to relax and try and decipher what the voices were saying.

As he had noticed when he first awoke, the voiced were faded, hushed in a way. He wasn't able to tell who it was speaking...but grasped words and parts of sentences here or there.

"...sleep...tired...rest..."

"No, I.... don't...something's wrong.... what if..."

"Can't...."

"....lets...maybe...awake..."

The talking stopped suddenly, which gave the white dragon officer suspicion that someone was coming into his room. He struggled with himself again and managed to sit up just in time as, he had suspected, Thatz, Rath and the dragon lord himself filed into the room one after the other. They all looked at him, quite taken aback that he was sitting up in bed.

"Alfeegi..." the Lord said, stopping in his tracks.

The white dragon officer sat, confused on how to respond to his employer's state of shock. "Yes my lord?"

Before he could say anything, he was attacked from the side by a Rath-shaped object clinging to his neck. "Your up!" the dragon knight cried. The secretary stopped dead. Was Rath hugging him? What was going on?

"Now, now," He heard from the doorway. "Let's not kill him after he just woke up from his little nap." Alfeegi looked up to see Kai-stern hovering near the entrance. "How are you anyway sleeping beauty?"

"What are you talking about?" He asked, trying to pry the now permanently attached knight of fire from his body. "What's going on?" To answer his question were now four very confused faces.

"What do you mean 'What happened?' Don't you remember?"

"Well obviously if I had I wouldn't be asking you now would I?" The agitated officer glared. "So why do I hurt all over anyway?" He could feel the tenseness in the room grow as he others began to grow more and more uncomfortable. "What?"

"Alfeegi," the lord began, "We suspect that you had a type of...mental breakdown."

"What?" The officer asked in disbelief. "My lord surely you jest-''

"I wish a were joking. A few nights ago you...you tried to kill Kai-stern at the dinner table and then proceeded to try and take your own life."

Alfeegi sat there for a moment, looking around at all the faces in the room as to try and find some sort of hint that it was a joke, like they were kidding. But alas, there were none. "You..." he began. "I...I..." And then it hit him. All those images came flooding back to him and threatened to sweep him away in its current. He grasped his head and looked down at the bed sheets as they came. The dragon lord, Ruwalk and Kai-stern, the dinner table, the knife...all of that blood.

"Alfeegi?" He heard the lord speak. "Are you alright?"

He opened his mouth to say something, anything, but at that moment his stomach let out a very loud, very distinct rumble. He felt the heat rush to his face as he heard the other men chuckle. "Hungry?" Rath asked. Alfeegi nodded and the boy dragged Thatz out of the room with his in search of food. He let out a long sigh and thanked god for irony as the other two dispersed as well, leaving him alone to deal with his newly remembered memories.

'Three days?' he asked himself. 'That was a long while.' He leaned back onto his pillows and closed his eyes, thinking back to that very moment when metal hit flesh. He stuttered. He remembered the feeling very clearly. "What was that?" he asked himself aloud. Thinking back, it was not like him at all. It was as if sitting there he was hit with an alien force. His emotions had gone wild and suddenly overtook him, increasing them ten fold. It was like someone... or something had suddenly...taken hold. Like he was being manipulated against his own will. Like-

"Alfeegi?"

The dragon jumped at the sound of his own name. Jolting upward despite his now prominent headache. There he saw the Earth dragon knight holding a large plate of food and standing in front of him. He smiled widely and placed the food on the officer's lap. "I didn't know what you wanted so I brought all kinds," he said. Alfeegi sighed. Just like Thatz to go overboard when it comes to food.

"Thank you," he said quietly and took a rather large bite out of a piece of bread. It took him a few minutes, and halfway through a turkey leg, to realize that the knight had not yet left. "Do you need something?" he asked. The boy looked a little shocked and shook his head slowly. A small touch of redness gracing his cheeks.

"No...no, It's just that...I was ordered not to let you out of my sight."

Alfeegi turned his head slightly and stared at the boy. "And why would you be ordered that?"

The earth dragon knight cleared his throat and sheepishly pointed towards the knife and fork near the side of the secretary's plate. The teal-haired man's face turned quite red. Thatz looked away from him, obviously sensing that the man was not pleased with his response. He crossed his arms defensively and waited until he heard the shuffling of the bed sheets to look back.

The officer had pushed his food away, shunning it from himself, and had his hands to the side of his head, gently rubbing his temples. His eyes were shut tightly now, not wanting the sorrow that he now felt to take form, he just sat there. He didn't know why he felt the way he did. He didn't want to. He just felt...so bad. From the events of the night before and now not even being able to eat without a guard, and all that plus the loss of Ruwalk, it was starting to get to him. He smirked. Just starting to get to him? He had tried to kill Kai-Stern. It had already gotten to him.

"Alfeegi," he heard the dragon knight speak. "Do you want to, you know, talk about it?"

He looked up towards the boy. It was clear that he was worried. He shuffled where he stood and looked at him with such uncertainty, something so uncharacteristic from the easy going Thatz that he knew. He was obviously uptight about the question, though he knew that it had to be asked. It would only be a matter of time before he would have to truly explain himself to the lord, so why not to him as well?

The secretary placed his hands into his lap and beckoned for Thatz to grab a chair, which he did. He pulled up to the edge of the bed and sat quietly for a few moments time. Alfeegi sighed defiantly and looked up towards the ceiling. "So you want to know what happened?" Thatz nodded and remained silent. "Well," he began, and started to explain the events of that night. Everything, not one detail had been spared. His emotions were thrown out for all to see...and not once did he question why the boy wanted to know so, or why he was telling him in the first place.

Threw its entirety Thatz said nothing, seemingly listening quietly and not even a sound came from his lips. "And then...I woke up here." The officer finished. He looked to his covers and was quiet as well, waiting for the boy to say some lines of disgust and walk away. How it was so stupid to overreact that way or so scoff him for liking another man. But he didn't, and it wasn't until he looked at him did he figure out why.

The boy's cheeks were wet with tears. Eyes red from crying silently so not to disturb the course of the tale. He shook somewhat and the first noise to leave him in a while was in the form of a soft sob. Alfeegi gazed at him in amazement. The boy looked up at him, eyes sparkling like emeralds from the tears. He rubbed his eyes and stood up. "I should take the plate back if your not going to eat it."

"Thatz, what-''

"Are you done?"

The white dragon nodded and watched the earth dragon scurry out of the room with plate in hand, leaving him to wonder why the human turned dragon acted the way he did.

Several days passes after he had first awoken and he had not yet been allowed to leave his chambers. Even though he nagged at the dragon lord that he was perfectly fit to do his job, he argued back the he didn't want his wounds to open again and rest would be good for him anyway. "Think of it as one of those vacations that you never take." He had joked.

People visited often, but it always seemed as if they were uneasy around him. His majesty was around most often as well as the dragon queen. Rune had not yet come back from his job with the fearies or his wounds would have already been healed by this time. Rath came once in a while, but Thatz hadn't been in sense the first day that he had awaken. The secretary often thought of the boy and why he had acted the way he had...but it wasn't for a few days more did he find out the answers that he wanted.

The sun was shining through the window, as every day. It pooled across the floor and onto Alfeegi's form, snuggled under the warm blankets of his bed. He had been lying there for at least an hour, just listening to the birds sing and focused on how warm that he felt. It felt so good. Today felt brand new in a strange sort of way, so fresh and so pure. He didn't want to chance leaving his position as to taint the day in some way. He sighed and had just begun to debate on how to get the Dragon Lord to let him work again, when he heard the door creak open.

The officer sat up groggily, rubbing his eyes and trying to focus on who it could be. As his vision cleared he saw that it was Thatz, carrying a plate of food as he had been doing the last time he had seen him. The boy smiled and walked up to him, again placing the food on the bed.

"Morning," he said, taking a seat next to him.

"Good morning Thatz," he replied, watching him before quickly turning to his food and beginning to eat. "Mmm...this is good. Tell the cook that she really did outdo herself this time."

"Actually...I cooked it this morning," The officer looked up, amazed. "I thought, that I would apologize for the other day."

"Apologize?" Alfeegi repeated the words. "What was there to apologize for? You just asked me what was wrong..."

"That's why I'm apologizing." The dragon knight's face began to glow red. "I didn't mean for you to remember those things, I know that I..." he cut off short and turned away quickly from the officer. He placed one hand on his face and let out a strange sound, kind of a half sigh and half groan.

All Alfeegi did was watch him, before the facts began to sink in and the puzzle began to solve itself. "Thatz," He whispered. "Do you have something that you want to tell me?"

"No," the boy said all to quickly. "It's nothing, I don't want to bother you."

"Thatz, your not acting yourself, are you sure your ok?"

"I'm fine, I'm just fine I'm..." Tears began to fall down his face and onto his lap. "Damnit!"

"Thatz..." the boy was silent. "Thatz, please tell me what's wrong."

A sigh came from the boy as he turned again towards his elder. "You really want to know?" Alfeegi nodded and inwardly giggled at how the tables had turned. Thatz then breathed in and began to talk.

"I'm in love with someone that I can't have."

Alfeegi had suspected as much, he wasn't as narrow-minded as some people may have thought, and that's why his story had leaded him to tears.

Thatz continued. "We are...or _were_ best friends....but you know how it is." He smirked somewhat bitterly. "I figure out my feelings, go to tell him and find out that him and Rune..." The boy slipped up, trying not to name names but it seemed that in his anger he began to not care what the white dragon officer felt. "They had already had something going on between them that they had "forgotten" to tell me about." Angry tears began to fill his eyes, the boy's frame to shake, and he still continued his voice filled with rage.

"I was happy for them.... I suppose. I mean, they were both my friends, right? But as time went on, they started showing their affections around me, and they _knew._ They knew that I like Rath and yet they still did that to me. Hugging and kissing and holding each other. Like they didn't know it hurt me! LIKE HELL THEY DIDN'T KNOW!" Thatz banged his fist onto his leg, but seemingly oblivious to the pain he had caused to himself.

"Thatz," Alfeegi whispered. "Thatz please, calm down." The boy did so, swiping away at his tears and actually facing the man. "Thatz I never knew..."

"Well, a lot of people don't think that I have any emotions past greed and gluttony." He laughed sarcastically making the officer cringe. It was true that he had only thought that the boy's focus in life was to be lazy, but after hearing this he thought that he had no right to even think that.

"I'm sorry Thatz..."

"Don't be," he replied quietly. "You listened to me and I thank you for that."

The room had an uncomfortable silence to it after he had finished, and it remained there until Alfeegi spoke again.

"So...you like Rath?"

Thatz nodded his head. "Yes, I try not too, and I have tried to get over it...but it hurts when I think back to it, you know?"

"Yes, I do." Alfeegi thought again. "So we're both in kind of the same situation."

"Yup, I guess."

"So, so you like anyone else now?"

The boy stiffened and Alfeegi's comment hit a soft spot. The boy blushed and nodded quietly. Alfeegi just smiled. "Dose he like you back?"

"I don't know. He worries about me, does that count?"

Alfeegi smiled and nodded. "I don't think that anyone would worry about you if they didn't have feelings."

Thatz's blush deepened. "Yah well...I should go now. Do you want me to take your food?"

"No, I'll just finish it and give it to the lord when he comes back."

"Alright, but don't eat too much. You might get so fat that you'll loose any chances at love." He winked then, chuckling. Alfeegi just blinked, and then for some strange reason, as they looked at each other, they started laughing. Softly at first but then escalating louder and louder. Soon Alfeegi's face was bright and glowing, holding his sides and shaking.

"Why.... are....we.... laughing?!" He asked during breaths.

"I...have no...idea!!!" This made them laugh even harder. The officer wiped his eyes and was about to ask Thatz to stop being to stupid when he was cut off. He felt something soft and warm on his lips, and it took a few seconds to realize that it was Thatz. His eyes grew wide as he watched the knight, his face soft and childlike, glowing with a type of light that he had never seen before. He seemed so calm and somewhat happy...but it felt so...wrong...

As soon as it had begun the dragon knight pulled away, blushing madly and covering his mouth, looking at the man with wide eyes. "Thatz..." He whispered, but the boy kept backing away.

"Alfeegi I'm sorry...I have no idea what I just...I mean..." Then he stopped, and suddenly turned and bolted from the room. All the officer could do was stare after him and sit helplessly as someone he cared for was torn apart...by him...again...

He whimpered as his head started to pound and a familiar energy began to surround him, and as the room began to close around him, he heard that voice again within him...

"_This is all your fault...."_

Then it was dark.

WOOOOOOOOOO!!! Finally I finished!!! I told myself that I would post on my B-day and I did! GO ME!!! Wow....I started this while I was back in school...and the summer is almost gone! Oo AHHH!! Must post sooner!!

Oh I am sooo getting flamed for this one...what do you all think ; ahahahahahaaaa....


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